Stories I Tell Myself About My Horse: A Conversation

by Mary Tulin and Mary Gallagher

Mary Tulin: So the other day I was riding my Morgan mare Era through shoulder ins down the fence, wondering why she kept drifting off the track. As far as I could tell, I was doing all the things—opening inside rein, supporting outside rein, inside leg back and asking for the hind foot to step, etc. I was thinking things like, “Gosh, she’s a little low energy today.” “Hm, I guess she’s forgotten all the practice we did with this last fall.” “Wow, she must be a bit burned out on this; I should have taken her out for some non-arena time yesterday.”

Take your pick. Commiserating with myself in this way, I continued through a frustrating repetition of tight, unsuccessful attempts.

Mary Gallagher: Excuse me, Mary T… as you know, the stories we tell about our horses are really about ourselves.

Mary T: Well Mary G! How did you turn up in my sad tale? Whoops, that’s a story right there, isn’t it? Anyway, I’m glad you’re here and hope you’ll share more about the storytelling we all do regarding our horses! But as I was saying, turns out none of those stories was true. It was me. (No!) Yes, my seat was out of whack and I was leaning to the inside in a Herculean effort with my inside leg to push her down the wall, and my hands were steering, tying us in a knot of miscommunication and missed opportunity. I thought to myself (you’ll like this part, Mary G!) isn’t Mary Gallagher always encouraging us to ride with our seat, using the hands merely to suggest and offer an opening to comfort and ease in a turn (or whatever)?

Yes she is. So I re-centered, got my seat in order and rode a totally different shoulder in etc, with Era all but shouting, “OH, THAT’s what you wanted….! Sheesh!”

Mary G: We all tell stories about our horses and our horsemanship, which we tend to infer is a result of our horse’s behavior, on and on and we really miss the present moment and what it is offering us. Our stories really get in the way of a good time and good learning opportunities! Think of a story-thought as a thread connected to a ball of yarn. That single thought-thread (“My horse has forgotten what we practiced!”) winds into a story we tell to explain our situation (“Gosh, I’ll have to do XYZ to remind her how to do a shoulder in!”). The story grows into a big ball of interconnected, self-limiting judgments that reinforces our issue but doesn’t help us see reality (my center of gravity is the problem).

Mary T: Hey, “yarn” is another word for “story”! How cool is that?

Mary G: …The yarn grows and grows and grows but goes nowhere, keeping some old, outgrown perception alive, as if we are neutral observers and it’s our horse that has the problem!

Mary T: Isn’t that the truth! I remember we all had an awesome conversation about this very topic during Friday Ground Class last year. I got to thinking about that conversation again after that ride, and felt silly for blaming Era for my horsemanship!

Mary G: Hey, it’s great that you remembered that conversation and realized you were telling mini-stories about Era. We all do it! But the key is, if the old story keeps you from accurately seeing what is going on, from being present and alive with your horse, then that story is disempowering. We can catch ourselves keeping a story alive by noticing that we are replaying it. Free that energy and see where it leads you! Turn loose that old story and free yourself to connect with your horse in real time! Your horse will thank you.

You too can hang out and have great conversations in Friday Groundwork  (Horsemanship)
Class!  -MT